Saturday, March 05, 2005

Things I Don't Want to Ever Hear Again Pt 1

From yesterday's ESPN interview with Barry Bonds came this gem of a quote reminding us why baseball is our nation's pastime:

"They say it makes your testicles shrink,'' he said. "I can tell you my testicles are the same size. They haven't shrunk. They're the same and work just the same as they always have."

Sadly, Stephen A. Smith, Tony Kornheiser, Skip Bayless, all the panelists on Around the Horn and every other ESPN douchebag offered to confirm this story, as long as they were guaranteed more than their allotted 15 minutes.

Congragulations, Barry, as I can only imagine the pride that you and your family feel after this story. I mean, they're the same size and they work? Awesome, man! What son wouldn't be proud to know that pop's sack is the same as it was when he was a younger man? But, don't stop there, Barry, let's hear about your penis and prostate and any bowel issues. Inquiring minds want to know. I look forward to the "Outside the Lines" one-hour special on Bond's genitalia, and will let everyone know when it airs.

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