-I am going to introduce a bill that would require Billy Rafferty, the only good CBS NCAA Tournament announcer, to narrate my every move each day. I truly believe that his excitement and energy would make the mundane aspects of my week exponentially better. When I wake in the morning, he would have me completely psyched up for the rest of the day. After some girl doesn't call, he could tell some random anecdote about his playing days in the 50s and all would be better. Of course, I would demand that he do his signature phrases, "Da KISS off the glass" and "They come out in MANTOMAN!", although it will be decided in the future how this can be worked into my life. Regardless, Billy would bring excitement and energy to my life, and I would be able to sleep the sleep of the contented.
[This bill would be an add-on to another piece of legislation that I wrote nearly 5 years ago that required the music played during the football sequences in Varsity Blues be played anywhere that I am. On the streets, in stores, at bars, etc. Nothing bad ever happens in movies when hard rock plays, and so I hope to translate that to my own life. No one breaks up or gets dumped, no one gets their feelings hurt or questions their life, no one worri in movies to this soundtrack. Unfortunately, I believe that this man is following me around, singing about rain, heartbreak and lost love. Stop following me, Adam! Go put out a fucking album, and think about what you are trying to do with your life. Anyway, this is my present theory on what is holding me back, and I will keep everyone informed of the next excuse I come up with shortly.]
[An amendment was tacked on that would require me to speak in a horrible Southern accent, and once a day emphatically telling an older man, "I don't want your life!" I have agreed to this, but refuse to accept language put in by Rick Santorum that would have me wearing a whipped cream bikini and propositioning him. ]
-Should I cut my hair? It is longish now, and I am wondering if I should continue into the hipster/hippie aesthetic, or clean up? I leave it up to my cherished readers.
-Being single is for the birds. I am done with it, for real. The focus has shifted again, because if you ain't grindin', you ain't shinin'. Love don't make Bentleys and pink diamonds, yamean? I am a rock/I am an island. My bols Simon and Art knew what was up 40 years ago.
-It was nice to see Diplo and M.I.A. together last night, as they are such a cute couple. Sadly, I am unsure who I was more jealous of, a la Jerry when Elaine and Keith Hernandez dated. (No homo?) I look forward to a day in the future when Mrs. Pound for Pound and I sit next to each other, faces staring into our Mac screens, linking not only to important stories, but also to each other's hearts.
-I will be participating in a hip-hop dance class at my gym tonight.
-Coffee is the new beer, and I shall be rocking out at my coffee spots even more now.
-Lots of stuff coming to Pound for Pound in the next few days, so check back frequently. It's about to get real ugly in here. If you scared, get the f*ck out.