Smooth Criminal

Michael Jackson, Billie Jean (chopped and screwed by DJ Lt. Dan)

Michael Jackson, Smooth Criminal (c+s by DJ Lt. Dan)

Michael Jackson, Man in the Mirror (c+s by DJ Lt. Dan)

I really didn't want to talk about this travesty, but I couldn't help myself. As everyone and their mothers know, Michael Jackson was acquitted of all charges in his child molestation trial. It seemed like the right decision to me, as the case seemed to be weak from Go. I can't say that I don't get weirded out by him, as Love Boat inspired attire and destructive plastic surgery are wont to do, but that isn't a crime. Not yet, at least. I'm stunned at the level of attention and hatred the man inspires, particularly two decades after his masterpiece, Thriller.

Anyway, I want to dedicate this post to MF, the only person I am willing to call my equal as a paranoiac. MJ, MF and I are in talks to star in a one-hour "reality" show, which will always end with me lying on the floor, in the fetal position, singing the Smiths' "The Boy With a Thorn In His Side" as the credits roll. For most of the hour, MF and I will deconstruct email and text messages we have received, looking for perceived slights, insults or meanings, while Michael holds up the cover for Thriller in an attempt to remind people of the days that we weren't sickened by him. I really feel like we have a hit on our hands, so keep your eyes on the Fall UPN schedule.

The three mp3s above are chopped and screwed versions of MJ classics off of the fun DJ Lt. Dan mixtape, King of What's Poppin'. I figure that hearing these classic songs slowed and chopped up gives a great intro, and may help you get a hold of this Houston musical form.

-Nancy Grace is great. No, no, she is really a great person and journalist. For me to poop on!!! I had to link to the recent Triumph the Insult Comic Dog segment on the Conan O'Brien Show. Triumph went to Cali, and visited the site of the Michael Jackson trial. He then produced one of the funniest segments ever, getting laughs at the expense of the idiots there supporting Michael and the even bigger ones reporting on it. Once you finish laughing, you will be scared for the future of our country. Go here to see the video. [Via Frog's House of Infinite Wisdom]

-Speaking of being scared of the future, read this great piece from the Columbia Journalism Review, which looks at the state of television "journalism" with a particular focus on Nancy Grace, former prosecutor, Headlines News show host, and enemy of America.

-Here is a similar piece (registration required), as Tim Rutten of the LA Times puts Nancy Grace on blast. He could not have picked a better target, as she is a hideous monster.

Okay, much more to come this week, as I will return to everyone's favorite, Booty Month (formerly known as Booty Week), and drop some 2 Live Crew, ghettotech, baile funk, Spankrock and more. We can't forget about our first love, Philly, either, as there will be news on BIO 2005, Mayor Street, skateboarding and more. I have uploaded all of the mp3s from the last few weeks, so if you missed something, now is the time to get it.